I have difficulties understanding people.No, I am not replaying "Girl,Interrupted". Whenever I start trusting things blindly, they fail. Hopelessly at that.
Well, this blog is meant to convey how depressed I feel. Maybe things ought to straighten up in a few days. I hate my work life.It seriously sucks! I have barely scratched the surface, and I have hit rock bottom already. It's not the nature of the job that tires me. Its the unnecessary management frills that are so difficult to understand. Back biting, "coupl"ing (hell, the twos of all permutation), politics,nasty sexist opinions, bitching,work-pressure and appraisal. I so hate it. maybe, I should not take things so seriously.But, I am an extremist and if I dont give it my best shot - well, I wont give any at all. Without this job, I would be at a dead end. And I would nt want that, not now atleast.
My social skills or rather lack of them have become really disturbing. Didnt know, that a person like me could develop into a sociopath. Frequent pressure on all sides to work on them. My problem is I take things too seriously or dont consider them at all. I am falling into a vicious circle and slowly building a cage around me. Hopefully, I can break all of it and find a place where my creative interests do not rot so. Oh, how I wish life went backwards.Growing up sucks. I will turn 23 this week. Man, I feel like a grandma already.why? The other day, I got down from my office bus and was waiting to cross the road. Its a big junction, Ashok Pillar. When the pedestrian signal turned green, a huge mob from both sides rushed to cross the road. I was swept along with the crowd, when suddenly I dashed into a child. I said,"sorry" and flashed my grin, and the young boy all the while walking with a lady(his mother, I presume) called out "Its ok, aunty"
I had always been teased before with "maami" and "aunty" - why even "grandma". But, this one stung.Oh, seriously it did! I felt like crying. I am all grown up, I didnt realise when it happened.And I am lonelier than ever - God puts me through more misery.
darn it, I wanna be free...any suggestions?
2 comments:
very depressed aren't you? but i think u've learnt the way out. without this job which is giving u most of the testing moments u wud be at "a dead end". u could easily realise that u are in a much better postion than a lot of ppl. so revel in the thought of being lucky if it would make u happy. and anyway ur jus 23. there is a helluva life ahead- whether u like it or not.
@ Krishna
true, life has just begun and i am quite tired already...lucky? maybe..with recession and everything..I should consider myself lucky i guess...lets see what happens ahead.
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