Sunday, December 14, 2008

Another one

I have difficulties understanding people.No, I am not replaying "Girl,Interrupted". Whenever I start trusting things blindly, they fail. Hopelessly at that.
Well, this blog is meant to convey how depressed I feel. Maybe things ought to straighten up in a few days. I hate my work life.It seriously sucks! I have barely scratched the surface, and I have hit rock bottom already. It's not the nature of the job that tires me. Its the unnecessary management frills that are so difficult to understand. Back biting, "coupl"ing (hell, the twos of all permutation), politics,nasty sexist opinions, bitching,work-pressure and appraisal. I so hate it. maybe, I should not take things so seriously.But, I am an extremist and if I dont give it my best shot - well, I wont give any at all. Without this job, I would be at a dead end. And I would nt want that, not now atleast.
My social skills or rather lack of them have become really disturbing. Didnt know, that a person like me could develop into a sociopath. Frequent pressure on all sides to work on them. My problem is I take things too seriously or dont consider them at all. I am falling into a vicious circle and slowly building a cage around me. Hopefully, I can break all of it and find a place where my creative interests do not rot so. Oh, how I wish life went backwards.Growing up sucks. I will turn 23 this week. Man, I feel like a grandma already.why? The other day, I got down from my office bus and was waiting to cross the road. Its a big junction, Ashok Pillar. When the pedestrian signal turned green, a huge mob from both sides rushed to cross the road. I was swept along with the crowd, when suddenly I dashed into a child. I said,"sorry" and flashed my grin, and the young boy all the while walking with a lady(his mother, I presume) called out "Its ok, aunty"

I had always been teased before with "maami" and "aunty" - why even "grandma". But, this one stung.Oh, seriously it did! I felt like crying. I am all grown up, I didnt realise when it happened.And I am lonelier than ever - God puts me through more misery.

darn it, I wanna be free...any suggestions?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Two blogs in a row - i must be outta my mind!

Hell ya, its now or never. I love to write, and its such a long time. This post is a toast to my ah well, my crazy attempts to live life my way...

When you are gone...pieces of my heart...I'd missing you...Familiar? Yea, Avril Lavigne's track.

Read on.. I always belonged to thee!!!

I see love, but I feel pain.
Why, this disdain?
I breathe, I feel tight.
Am I losing this fight?

The rain drops kiss my lips
no, they lack your ownership.
I exalt in thy glory
then why do I feel so sorry.

Love was never so strong
well, I might have been wrong
Truce my dear,lets not fight!
Nobody can challenge our might.

I miss holding your hand
why did you you drift away?
pain envelopes me
oh, why could nt you see?

ciao, revathi

Back with a B.A.N.G baby!

To my avid readers, ( I know the audience is next to nill!) I missed you as well. My health is better, thank you! No, jaundice does not spread via Internet. So, my blog is perfectly safe and you continue reading on.
To Balaji, call me and I will spill the beans. Its purely technical, mainframe project. work on Pl/1 and IDMS - retail client. Thats about it.
I fell quite at my wit's end these days. I loved to write - happened to face a writer's block for qite some while. I am simply amazed at this phenomenon - quite difficult I tell you. Work takes up most of my life. If that doesnt, travelling in my company bus from home - does it. Ah well, I thought life became easy when you grow up - tell you what I feel sad - that i have reached an anticlimax of sorts - disgusted actually- a few reasons pull me through. But , looks like god wants me to take the acid dip now - the reasons are moving away from me.
Ah, the dawn of depression - and more blogs uphead..keep you posted.Ciao

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Finer things in life

I am 22 years old. Took a while, but hey managed to make it there. April is one of my favorite months on the loony english calender. My dearest ones celebrate their birthdays in this month. (december is mine)SO, yea, a toast to their long lives and good health and hey, i should never lose them.

Yes, for all you avid readers. I ve been mapped t a project (FINALYY!) no respite from work. I am not allowed to discuss the details!(its confidential!)

Been having a good time this week. Sun's shining (a bit too hard tho!)...i am stinking and god working!!

Wish the good times never ended...ah a touch here, a kiss there..hmmm...i shouldn't watch any more of those chick-fliques...I swear they do things to you.Its like an overdose which just overwhelms you so much that it makes you sick.

Been reading a book called "Difficult daughters" by manju kapur. A cartload of difficult shit. PRE-partition India. A dorky married professor with melodramatic views about lust and oxford degree who's crazy about Viramati - a simple no good worthless being who does nothing but fuss and worry and probably abort her babies.And also, she happens t have a really orthodox, dutiful doting family and the rest of is it romantic rut...but wonderful language tho.

Signing off, keep you postd.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

My Second post

Dumb Title? Yea, I know. My monologue today, will deal with absurdities and only that. So, all you neat sissies can stop right here.Period.

Women enjoy violence. Ah yes, they enjoy screaming in agony as much as men enjoy listening to them. Weird? But true. They may get all fussy and prissy about it...but hey, they manage to sit/stand/watch/endure the entire thing and later crib about.(Something similar to binging...never been able to figure that one completely tho) OH they fantasize all about it and think of getting laid the next instant.

I listen to Raghu Dixit crooning in his latest single about a second opportunity to live life again.("Hey bhagwan mujkho tu...zindagi dobara.." awesome track tho) I mean, like shit. Who doesn't want to? We all want to right our wrongs...or do we? Perhaps write our wrongs would make more sense to me.

Picture this-
I am walking in a deserted filthy road that seems devoid of anything but rubbish.(I am talking about's where Chennai landfill and garbage dumps are located) office is right opposite to one of these beauties. I arm myself against the advent of hot sun, the dust and pollution and the really-icky- variety-of-rubbish smell.... when viola... I see a sun-burnt lassie- with no footwear in tattered garb carrying a pot of water and a bag of groceries. I guessed she belonged to the group ofday-time laborers who were involved in the construction of a mosque (in the middle of nowhere?)...I felt like shit. (very becoming of my workplace?...true) She inspired me.Literally. A rare made feel thankful for what i have and ah well, what I shall be blessed with (eventually!!)

I see absurd movies, weirder people, colorful language...and life's getting better.

Disclaimer: This post was never meant to convey how jobless i have become.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

howdy folks

I have been frequently asked about my blogs...and so here it goes...i am back.

c'est la vie. I come back from Trivandrum(nice place, bad food) and end up wondering what's screwing my life big time. I have to travel for 2 hours to get to my "work place" where your seniority is determined by the size of your cubicle and the length of your hair (yech! men sporting long tresses and beards) squeal you clam lose...I dont know where i am headed to...uncertainityat its best(no pun intended)

I no longer exist by my name. In this surreal world, I am but a six digit number...warming a bench. Heck I dont care...i see an international apparel showroom opposite a slum...i dont care. I see half naked sun-kissed kiddies playing with a used condom and a mouth-agape urban teenager staring at it...i dont care...I see marriage and I read death..I dont care...I find more reasons to run away than stay..I dont care.. me what you want..but there are a few reasons I find myself smiling and the sun shining. Love.Hope. His words.

Welcome to reva's world...keep you posted.